12 months

looooong overdue...but hey, better late than never.

it is absolutely crazy how fast this boy is getting older, and how many new things he is doing. i cant keep up. well, carter finally started crawling on his knees his month! so long are the days of stained and stretched out shirts from crawling on his belly. every once in a while if he needs to get somewhere fast he will revert back to the belly, but he seems to be enjoying the new crawl. he has figured out how to crawl up the stairs and now thats all he wants to do. still working on how to get down though. carter loves to wave bye-bye and is trying so hard to talk. he is still imitating what we say and i just know one day a "real" word is going to pop out. lately it sounds like he is trying to say ball..."ba". carter also had his first grilled cheese sandwich and first pancakes this month, and of course loved them both. he is such a joy and such a good little boy. he has definitely stolen mommys heart!

he gives and takes away

as the weekend that marks 6 months since my grandmas death and one year since my sons birth approaches i have so many emotions. some i can explain, some i can't. some i can understand, some i can't.

thinking back over 2010, it has really been a season of loss for me. losing close friends through moves to other cities. slowly losing my mother day by day, moment by moment. losing my dear grandmother to a sudden sickness that she couldn't recover from. i decided i don't like loss. well, i don't like the feeling that comes with loss. i don't like the pain associated with loss. i don't like the tears that flow from loss. it's tough, i'm not going to lie.

but as i sit and write this tears of amazement fill my eyes! amazement from how much my Lord loves me. how much my Lord knows me. how perfect His plan is. so much so, that before my season of loss arrived He gave me a gift. a gift of a son. a gift named carter. i didn't realize it when he was born. i didn't realize through these times of loss. but oh how i realize it now. wow did God know what He was doing. before the creation of the world He had the seasons of my life placed. God gave me joy when he knew i would most need it. God gave me peace when he knew i would most need it. God gave me life when he knew i would most need it. God gave me a gift. a gift that amazes me everyday. a gift that i look at and wonder how blessed i am to get to be his mother. a gift that i dont deserve but gladly accept.

then there are days, like today, where the saddness of loss and the joy of my gift collide. collide as i ache knowing my grandmother won't get to see carter laughing and playing. or that my mother cant help me plan his 1st birthday party. or that he can't grow up playing in the park with his friends that moved away. i feel loss but comfort. grief but joy. sorrow but blessing, grace and mercy. i am beyond glad that i have a God that stands in the balance. a God that stands between my colliding emotions. a God that knows what i need and exactly when i need it. a God that is prepared for the seasons of my life way before i am.

so as this weekend is here and these emotions collide, i am going to celebrate. celebrate my grandma and who she was to me. celebrate my son and who he is to me.

11 months

It is amazing how many "milestones" carter has made this past month. So many things mommy and daddy can barely keep up. At the beginning of his eleventh month he began pulling up to his knees, and now he is pulling up to his feet and standing much more. Carter also started sitting up from a crawling or laying position, so now he greets us every morning in his crib with his little legs dangling through the slats. He's a pro at drinking his sippy cup, and even tells us when he wants more by pointing at it. We're learning how much Carter knows when we ask him what certain things are and he looks at them without hesitating (ie. bird, fan, book, grammy). Its crazy how fast these little ones can learn and pick up on things! Carter is jabbering ALL the time, and I know sometimes he's just trying to tell us things and likes to mimick words we say. Its so fun to see him grow and his little personality come out. His laugh is so cute, and smile is contagious. And on top of everything else this month, he finally got his first tooth! Thats our boy :)

10 months

9 month check up stats
17 lbs 15 oz
27 3/4 in

this past month carter has been SO much fun. he is so happy, in such good spirits, and just becoming such a little personality. he was a little small at his 9 month appointment so the dr suggested we start on more table foods, which i have been nervous about. but we have started on a few and he loves it. he really does well at feeding himself and likes to do it. he has also finally figured out the sippy cup. still can't figure out that he has to hold it up to get water...but he's getting there. carter is such a snuggle bunny. he loves to give squeezes to everyone and he melts mommys heart when he lays his head on my chest. i am so in love with my boy. his favorite thing lately is rolling balls back and forth. carter also had his first trip to the beach this month. he enjoys the water so much and gets excited when he sees it! we had a great vacation with him. hard to believe he is getting so big....

I'd Rather Have Jesus

The week after my grandma's funeral my grandpa and uncle were looking for some paperwork. They ran across where my grandma had written some things she wanted at her funeral. She wanted two hymns sung. One of them was the following:

I’d Rather Have Jesus

I'd rather have Jesus than silver or gold;
I’d rather be His than have riches untold;
I’d rather have Jesus than houses or lands,
I’d rather be led by His nail pierced hand.

Than to be a king of a vast domain
Or be held in sin’s dread sway,
I’d rather have Jesus than anything
This world affords today.

I’d rather have Jesus than men’s applause;
I’d rather be faithful to His dear cause;
I’d rather have Jesus than world-wide fame,
I’d rather be true to His holy name.

He’s fairer than lilies of rarest bloom;
He’s sweeter than honey from out of the comb;
He’s all that my hungering spirit needs,
I’d rather have Jesus and let Him lead.

Wow. As much as I dreadfully miss her now, I'm glad she has Jesus and gets to see him face to face everyday. My desire is to live everyday with the hunger for nothing else but Jesus. There are lots of distractions in this world but, I think....I'd rather have Jesus.